I am going to start telling you about each of the kids He is letting me love… I want you to pray for them with me. I want you to know them. I want you to praise Him for what He is doing in their sweet lives.
He has changed my heart so much in just this short time and I wanted to share before I begin that I don’t think He wants us to be sorry for these kids. I don’t think He wants us to see them first as victims, I think He wants us to see them as blessed RECIPIENTS of so much love and grace from the King who calls them His own.
It seems simple, and maybe it is, but my heart is most often inclined to ‘pity’ the ones whose stories break my heart. Sometimes I watch 10 year old Mary care for little 7 month old Medrine so so lovingly and get tears in my eyes as I remember that she will never be a mom because of this brutal disease. I have so many questions for God when 6 year old Joseph shares that he would love to be a doctor when he grows up—and what an incredible doctor he would be, if this disease would stop tearing down his body. I am often furious when I hear a youth service at church telling children how dirty they are if they have sex before they are married, knowing that I can pick out at least 10 girls (and boys) in the crowd whose hearts are hurting as they recall the evil events that they presume place them in this category. BUT… He has redirected me lately and asked me to open my eyes that are tightly shut as I try to praise Him even when my mind is asking ‘why why why?’ He’s asked me to open my eyes and SEE HIM BECAUSE HE IS THERE. He was there during the hurt. He is there during the healing. This hurts Him more than it hurts me-more than it hurts them-but no evil can thwart His ultimate goodness. He was good then and He’s good now and if I open my eyes, I can see it. I can touch it. I love that the only times I remember that two of my girls were raped just months ago is when I am praising Him after I got to watch them sing their hearts out during worship or after we laughed until our stomach hurts and our eyes were full of tears…
If I am not looking for His face in the brokenness, I will be crippled by the deep pain of others. I have had this conversation with some of you because it has been a constant question as I have been face to face with evil and suffering so much over the past couple of years. I ask myself when I will stop seeing my sweet Nepalese girls as victims of sex trafficking—forced to work in the brothels of India as young as 8 years old. When will I first see them as beautiful, chosen, REDEEMED daughters of the King who have been washed whiter than snow by His blood… when will I forget what they’ve been through and more, when will they forget? Maybe forget is the wrong word. I don’t wish for it to escape our minds fully, but I want “those that sow in tears to reap in joy”(psalm 126). They do. He is faithful to that. The problem is me… the one who simply sees the pain and wishes I could take it but am constantly unable. Carol said (pretty randomly) the other day that she is not afraid of dying—she WANTS to be with Jesus. Holy moly. He picked me up and looked me in the eyes and said ‘see Annie! I AM good. Do you believe me? Look for it. Look for it and and expect it and you will see the depth of my love never changes.’
I am rambling, sorry. My point is just that as I tell you the heartbreaking stories of these kids and show you their faces, I am praying that we are able to rejoice in His promises for them. That we can still shout from the rooftops ‘HE IS GOOD!’ even when our eyes are open to their heartache. The thing is, because of His limitless and fully sufficient grace THEY are able to do this so I need to be also. I need to trust God enough that they might see their worth in HIM and not solely in their circumstances, unfortunate past, sad stories, or current situation. I’ll be back to write more later today.