Just wanted to update you on some decisions I have made in regards to my move to Kenya in the coming days. I realized recently that throughout this entire process of preparing/waiting to see what God has in store for me there, I have been limiting (or at least trying to limit) His power and viewing Him as a smaller version of Himself. I think the fact alone that He is allowing me to go across the world to love sweet orphans/children seemed so incredible that I did not expect there was anything else He could possibly add to that.
Before this summer, my prayers were big. I graduated knowing one thing: I love kids--especially the ones who need a little extra loving. :) My heart is definitely drawn to children who have lost their parents, children who are sick, children who have been sexually exploited --all in all, children who have been told by the world in some way, shape, or form that they are unworthy of love (I am fully aware it is HE who has implanted this desire to love these specific groups in my heart). The hardest/greatest thing for me has been to discern why He has given me these burdens and what I am supposed to do about them [right now]. It has never been a matter of forcing myself to act on these things--He has made them inescapable to me in the most loving ways possible. Kenya is wonderful and I love everything about it, but it is the people I am drawn to... I am drawn to the same people in Nepal and in India and Atlanta and Athens and in other places I have never been to.
Anyway, as I was saying--I was dreaming big dreams and praying big prayers this time last year because I could not figure out which of these burdens would 'win my heart' as I supposed I had to narrow it down to just one. Would I work with sick kids in America? Would I work with sex trafficking victims in Asia? Would I work with orphans in Africa? The word 'work' ultimately needed to be cast out of my vocabulary. It was so hard for me to decide which burden would dictate my life (or at least the circumstantial time bracket I was willing to give to it) and direct my steps. I could not do it. Even after confirming that I needed to move to Kenya, turning down my dream American job, planning my dream Kenya life with orphans-- I could not shake the aching in my heart for the sick and for the sexually abused. I was asking God repeatedly if I really had to put those children who have my heart on the back burner for now so that I can fully give my heart (just) to the kids who have been abandoned to orphanages. Honestly, up until several days before I booked my plane ticket to Kenya--I was looking up tickets to Calcutta to live and love the kids in the red light district there.
Several months ago, I heard about an orphanage for HIV+ children that was broken into by thugs during the night. Some of the children were raped, some threatened, and most all viewed the traumatic events, if they were not directly involved. This broke my heart. I do not think a broken heart over this type of injustice is something unique... I do not know anyone whose heart is so hard to be immune to the effects of this unfortunate reality. My heart was broken, like yours even as you hear about it, but it took several sleepless nights before I realized that these children are exactly those whom I long to pour out every single ounce of love He gives me. I cannot get them out of my head or out of my heart because He has given me a burden for them and I am meant to act on that burden, not silence it.
The director of HOREC, in Joska, has expressed the strong desire for psychological support for the children who are trying to cope with what happened that night and how they are different now because of it. I want to help. I want to love them and stay up with them when they have nightmares and rub their backs as they fall asleep and pray over them like you (who have them) pray over your children and hold their hand when they're scared and dry their tears and watch Jesus soften their hearts and most of all, tell them about our Father and how their names are written on His hand and He loves them and will never forsake them, regardless of what the world has taught them in their short time on this earth.
I have no idea how long I will stay before moving on, but fully trust the Spirit to guide me and make clear when to be still and when to move. Honestly--I am open to spending two days there and I am open to spending two years there as well. We'll see what He has in mind. I am hearing so clearly that right now He wants me to spend some time learning to love the children that are so dear to His heart by living among them and walking with them through some hard times. I truly feel that I am being obedient to what He wants for me now and will be constantly listening for His future direction. I am so beyond humbled that they would allow me to come and stay with them and learn to love the children that are so dear to His heart. I am even more humbled that God would use ME to be a part of making His love complete. Let the adventure begin (though I guess it really began a long time ago...)!!!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
40 days...
People keep asking me if I am afraid. . . .
This question usually follows a brief description of my plans for Kenya and my ignorance of martial artistry. I usually say 'no' because my response is intended to answer their question of the type of fear that relates to safety, health, or general functionality. My answer is valid--I am not afraid of disease, violence, rape, or death in Kenya. Jesus tells us not to be afraid of the things that can kill the body--but to fear the One who could destroy both body and soul (Matthew 10). That is a tall order. To not fear any one or any thing on this earth, but to fear God alone. We're told in 1 John that there is no fear in love--that Perfect Love casts out fear. There seems to be no plausible explanation for an absence of fear of these potential physical endangerments. It is supernatural. His perfect, all encompassing love absolutely is responsible for casting out my fear of the things that could harm my body. Love is not cautious, it's extravagant...
All that to say, I would be lying if I said I have no fears about moving to Kenya. The things I fear are hard to even speak of because they show my disbelief that He is who He says He is. Naming our fears begins to dismantle them and they are overridden with the freedom-invoking truth of our Savior. As I have been presenting them to Him, I have found that every single one of them is irrational. All of the things I fear imply that I am MORE than I am and He is LESS than He is. Not sure if that makes sense... I have just noticed that when I focus on His intrinsic nature and the attributes that define His brilliant character, my fears prove to be contradictory and unfounded. This is beautiful... I think this is the Perfect Love that when you are looking it in the face and reveling in it's goodness, the fears you are holding onto are forced out of your hands.
Anyway, I meant this to be a short post. Just wanted to clarify that I am not devoid of fear but must rejoice that He has cast away the fears of my body being harmed. His perfect love that casts out fear is REAL and as I grow closer and closer to Him, the power of this fear-casting Love becomes undeniable. I trust Him with my body (today), and I am working on trusting Him with my heart... pretty sure I will be bringing my fears to His feet for the rest of my life, but sooner and sooner and with a less tight grip each time is my prayer.
This question usually follows a brief description of my plans for Kenya and my ignorance of martial artistry. I usually say 'no' because my response is intended to answer their question of the type of fear that relates to safety, health, or general functionality. My answer is valid--I am not afraid of disease, violence, rape, or death in Kenya. Jesus tells us not to be afraid of the things that can kill the body--but to fear the One who could destroy both body and soul (Matthew 10). That is a tall order. To not fear any one or any thing on this earth, but to fear God alone. We're told in 1 John that there is no fear in love--that Perfect Love casts out fear. There seems to be no plausible explanation for an absence of fear of these potential physical endangerments. It is supernatural. His perfect, all encompassing love absolutely is responsible for casting out my fear of the things that could harm my body. Love is not cautious, it's extravagant...
All that to say, I would be lying if I said I have no fears about moving to Kenya. The things I fear are hard to even speak of because they show my disbelief that He is who He says He is. Naming our fears begins to dismantle them and they are overridden with the freedom-invoking truth of our Savior. As I have been presenting them to Him, I have found that every single one of them is irrational. All of the things I fear imply that I am MORE than I am and He is LESS than He is. Not sure if that makes sense... I have just noticed that when I focus on His intrinsic nature and the attributes that define His brilliant character, my fears prove to be contradictory and unfounded. This is beautiful... I think this is the Perfect Love that when you are looking it in the face and reveling in it's goodness, the fears you are holding onto are forced out of your hands.
Anyway, I meant this to be a short post. Just wanted to clarify that I am not devoid of fear but must rejoice that He has cast away the fears of my body being harmed. His perfect love that casts out fear is REAL and as I grow closer and closer to Him, the power of this fear-casting Love becomes undeniable. I trust Him with my body (today), and I am working on trusting Him with my heart... pretty sure I will be bringing my fears to His feet for the rest of my life, but sooner and sooner and with a less tight grip each time is my prayer.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Brokenness
Lots is going on in my head and my heart right now, but one thing I have been thinking about today and wanted to share... it is simple and might not seem worthy of a post, but I cannot help but praise Him for the way He humbly speaks to me through others.
The people God has been using (throughout my entire life) to selflessly and sacrificially pour into me with God-breathed encouragement, listening ears, committed prayer, much-needed accountability, and partnership in the Gospel have been the ones who admittedly display their brokenness. Sometimes their brokenness is 'on display' because of outward circumstances and sometimes it is something that they invite others behind the curtain to see. --I am broken-- I am reminded of this every single day and need for it to be that way or else I do not need a Savior. It's as simple as that. Because I am broken and so desperately content in this setting-in pieces before Him so that He died for someone who NEEDS Him-I am eager to listen, learn, and do life with others who truly need a Savior; people who see their need.
If I happen to live at a homeless shelter during a season of my life and you come there with your figured out life and polished appearance and tell me about Jesus who came for the sick but you do not see that YOU are sick, I want nothing to do with you or your Jesus. If I can sit under a bridge with someone who is living there and talk all day long about the character of Jesus and how He longs to bring healing and bind up our wounds (obviously referring to the wounds of this guy who spends his days drunk on the streets) but I do not see the places where He is begging me to come out from under a bridge and let Him bind up MY OWN wounds, what on earth am I doing!?
Guys... we are not so different from the people whose brokenness is on display. One of my dearest friends, who is currently in a season where she is dependent on others to provide a place for her to live, said to me when we first met something along the lines of "it is so nice of you to come here and spend time with us... i know you must get weary of hearing about how messed up we are--you are really sweet to take time out of your day to minister to us." I think my face must have shown my shock (until my words confirmed it) of what was exiting her mouth and how strongly I felt the opposite of what she was expressing. Eww- forgive me Lord for ever putting off the impression that I have things figured out!!!! Aaaah. The thought of any one of my friends whose brokenness is more evident to the outside world thinking that I am in a higher place, a more holy place where I can afford to take time out of my day to 'minister' to them, the lowly and shattered, makes me feel sick to my stomach. I understand that it might look like I have things under control/figured out/am doing just fine (and most of the people who might happen upon this probably appear the same way)... I really do see how this could be falsely assumed, but there is not a bolder lie that you could say about me.
I love so much when Jesus is sharing a meal with the "ragamuffins" or disreputable and the Pharisees see Him and wonder what on earth He is doing with 'those people.' He overhears them asking His disciples what is up and chimes in "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but the sinners." (mark 2) Plain and simple and makes me smile really big because the pompous(so often ME) were just called out... He didn't come for those who think they're righteous, He came for those who know they're sinners in need of grace. If we don't see our own sin and brokenness, where is our need? Why does a cocaine addict need Jesus more than me? Why does a child molester need Jesus more than me? Why does a sexually promiscuous woman need Jesus more than me? They don't. I need Him just as bad as they do... do you believe that about yourself? I am constantly having to remind myself because I forget this ALL OF THE TIME. I cannot fix them because only God is capable of that; but what I can do is come alongside of them and join them in their brokenness and let them see mine as we learn to let Him bind up our wounds together. Mmm... I think this is the community He speaks of right before He dies on the cross for us.
Ahhhhhh, His character is so stunning!! Anyway, this whole post was just to express that I am truly thankful for the people who invite me into their brokenness, however much(or little) muck has to be removed for it to be brought to surface, because it helps me fall more and more in love with the God who delights in being our Savior. Delights in binding up my wounds and healing my heart... who came because i NEED Him, not just in case I happen to need Him if I, God-forbid, fall into one of those glaringly dark places of brokenness (please note typed sarcasm).
All that to say, the people that God is using to bless my heart during my time on this earth are the ones who do not let me think of THEM more highly than I ought and do not let me think of MYSELF more highly than I ought. I don't want to listen to you and learn from you and share my sin with you if you pat yourself on the back before you go to bed each night or agree with me when I accidentally give you glory that He deserves for what He is in you. I know this entire thought process could be perceived as self-righteous and maybe it is, but when I read His words tonight "What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the rooftops!” (matthew 10), I decided to proclaim from the rooftops what I truly believe He has whispered (the loud kind of whisper that is relentless) in my ear.
The people God has been using (throughout my entire life) to selflessly and sacrificially pour into me with God-breathed encouragement, listening ears, committed prayer, much-needed accountability, and partnership in the Gospel have been the ones who admittedly display their brokenness. Sometimes their brokenness is 'on display' because of outward circumstances and sometimes it is something that they invite others behind the curtain to see. --I am broken-- I am reminded of this every single day and need for it to be that way or else I do not need a Savior. It's as simple as that. Because I am broken and so desperately content in this setting-in pieces before Him so that He died for someone who NEEDS Him-I am eager to listen, learn, and do life with others who truly need a Savior; people who see their need.
If I happen to live at a homeless shelter during a season of my life and you come there with your figured out life and polished appearance and tell me about Jesus who came for the sick but you do not see that YOU are sick, I want nothing to do with you or your Jesus. If I can sit under a bridge with someone who is living there and talk all day long about the character of Jesus and how He longs to bring healing and bind up our wounds (obviously referring to the wounds of this guy who spends his days drunk on the streets) but I do not see the places where He is begging me to come out from under a bridge and let Him bind up MY OWN wounds, what on earth am I doing!?
Guys... we are not so different from the people whose brokenness is on display. One of my dearest friends, who is currently in a season where she is dependent on others to provide a place for her to live, said to me when we first met something along the lines of "it is so nice of you to come here and spend time with us... i know you must get weary of hearing about how messed up we are--you are really sweet to take time out of your day to minister to us." I think my face must have shown my shock (until my words confirmed it) of what was exiting her mouth and how strongly I felt the opposite of what she was expressing. Eww- forgive me Lord for ever putting off the impression that I have things figured out!!!! Aaaah. The thought of any one of my friends whose brokenness is more evident to the outside world thinking that I am in a higher place, a more holy place where I can afford to take time out of my day to 'minister' to them, the lowly and shattered, makes me feel sick to my stomach. I understand that it might look like I have things under control/figured out/am doing just fine (and most of the people who might happen upon this probably appear the same way)... I really do see how this could be falsely assumed, but there is not a bolder lie that you could say about me.
I love so much when Jesus is sharing a meal with the "ragamuffins" or disreputable and the Pharisees see Him and wonder what on earth He is doing with 'those people.' He overhears them asking His disciples what is up and chimes in "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but the sinners." (mark 2) Plain and simple and makes me smile really big because the pompous(so often ME) were just called out... He didn't come for those who think they're righteous, He came for those who know they're sinners in need of grace. If we don't see our own sin and brokenness, where is our need? Why does a cocaine addict need Jesus more than me? Why does a child molester need Jesus more than me? Why does a sexually promiscuous woman need Jesus more than me? They don't. I need Him just as bad as they do... do you believe that about yourself? I am constantly having to remind myself because I forget this ALL OF THE TIME. I cannot fix them because only God is capable of that; but what I can do is come alongside of them and join them in their brokenness and let them see mine as we learn to let Him bind up our wounds together. Mmm... I think this is the community He speaks of right before He dies on the cross for us.
Ahhhhhh, His character is so stunning!! Anyway, this whole post was just to express that I am truly thankful for the people who invite me into their brokenness, however much(or little) muck has to be removed for it to be brought to surface, because it helps me fall more and more in love with the God who delights in being our Savior. Delights in binding up my wounds and healing my heart... who came because i NEED Him, not just in case I happen to need Him if I, God-forbid, fall into one of those glaringly dark places of brokenness (please note typed sarcasm).
All that to say, the people that God is using to bless my heart during my time on this earth are the ones who do not let me think of THEM more highly than I ought and do not let me think of MYSELF more highly than I ought. I don't want to listen to you and learn from you and share my sin with you if you pat yourself on the back before you go to bed each night or agree with me when I accidentally give you glory that He deserves for what He is in you. I know this entire thought process could be perceived as self-righteous and maybe it is, but when I read His words tonight "What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the rooftops!” (matthew 10), I decided to proclaim from the rooftops what I truly believe He has whispered (the loud kind of whisper that is relentless) in my ear.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
walrus :)
Man. Jesus was not joking about this boldness thing... He has asked me to be bold in living out and speaking what He has spoken over me and even though I know of only 2-3 people who read this (including my mom--haha), I feel like this is a place I can be bold without just talking loudly with a megaphone or something.
I have become really sensitive to how often we fall into the trap of stealing glory from God. I have heard/seen it so much lately and I don't think it is a new thing, but just that the Spirit has made me more aware of it in myself and others. When we take credit for what He allows us to be apart of/gifts He has given us, receive compliments without redirecting them to God, boast about our ministries without even mentioning His name, and pat ourselves on the back for any work of our hands--we are STEALING His glory... the very glory we were put on this earth to lavish on Him! Not just receiving the praise of man thankfully, but literally ripping it out of His always-deserving hands. This is our chance to bring Him the honor and praise and glory--to take who nonbelievers may see as a 'good person' and say "thanks, but actually, it's not me, it's this guy named Jesus...the Holy Spirit who has taken up residence inside of me." To take what people see as a really successful ministry and say "yeah!! isn't He the greatest?! blowing us away with His goodness and mercy." To take an accomplished goal or prosperous season and say "Look what Jesus did this year!! Look what He let us be involved in..."
I know a lot of it is private and that is truly between us and the Lord, but the public part.... ahh, please. The part that is exposed to the world... Let's remember that He does big things through us to DISPLAY HIS GLORY on this earth/among the nations, not to direct glory to us! "Not to us, O Lord, but to YOUR NAME be the glory." He lets us be His hands and feet so that people may see His face in us... so that His faithfulness becomes REAL to the unbelieving. He lets us take part in His plans when we are willing and obedient--the reward is righteousness and holiness and being clothed in the fruits of the Spirit, not the praise of man. All praise and glory should ALWAYS go to Him!
It's awkward sometimes and it might seem fruitless, but really... let's use these moments not to make our name famous, or our church's name famous, or our ministry's name famous, but HIS NAME famous!!!!!
Soli Deo Gloria...
I have become really sensitive to how often we fall into the trap of stealing glory from God. I have heard/seen it so much lately and I don't think it is a new thing, but just that the Spirit has made me more aware of it in myself and others. When we take credit for what He allows us to be apart of/gifts He has given us, receive compliments without redirecting them to God, boast about our ministries without even mentioning His name, and pat ourselves on the back for any work of our hands--we are STEALING His glory... the very glory we were put on this earth to lavish on Him! Not just receiving the praise of man thankfully, but literally ripping it out of His always-deserving hands. This is our chance to bring Him the honor and praise and glory--to take who nonbelievers may see as a 'good person' and say "thanks, but actually, it's not me, it's this guy named Jesus...the Holy Spirit who has taken up residence inside of me." To take what people see as a really successful ministry and say "yeah!! isn't He the greatest?! blowing us away with His goodness and mercy." To take an accomplished goal or prosperous season and say "Look what Jesus did this year!! Look what He let us be involved in..."
I know a lot of it is private and that is truly between us and the Lord, but the public part.... ahh, please. The part that is exposed to the world... Let's remember that He does big things through us to DISPLAY HIS GLORY on this earth/among the nations, not to direct glory to us! "Not to us, O Lord, but to YOUR NAME be the glory." He lets us be His hands and feet so that people may see His face in us... so that His faithfulness becomes REAL to the unbelieving. He lets us take part in His plans when we are willing and obedient--the reward is righteousness and holiness and being clothed in the fruits of the Spirit, not the praise of man. All praise and glory should ALWAYS go to Him!
It's awkward sometimes and it might seem fruitless, but really... let's use these moments not to make our name famous, or our church's name famous, or our ministry's name famous, but HIS NAME famous!!!!!
Soli Deo Gloria...
Sunday, November 8, 2009
cautious love vs. extravant love
"Watch what God does and then do it...keep company with Him and learn a life of love! Observe how Christ loved us - His love was not cautious, but EXTRAVAGANT. He didn't live in order to get something from us but to give everything of Himself to us. Love like that!"
~Ephesians 5:1-2 (MSG)
His love is NOT cautious... not fearful, not prudent, not timid, not lacking in boldness, not unadventurous, not safe, not guarded.
His love IS extravagant...spending much more than is necessary or wise, exceedingly high, going beyond what is deserved or necessary, exceeding the bounds of reason.
Aaaah... what does that mean?? His love was costly, crazy, expensive, outrageous, nonsensical, extreme, daring, adventurous, bold! As imitators of Him--we are told to love like that!!
I think we are too cautious with how we love each other. . . I think that in our 15, 20, 35, 50, 80 years of life we have either felt personally or seen others experience heartbreak and we want to avoid that at all costs. We are taught to take care of ourselves- to be careful with who we give our hearts to and how much we give them and when to stop giving and when we need to hold onto the love for ourselves and yadda yadda yadda. That's a lot of caution. We are warned not to give too much of ourselves to people--especially without the assurance that they will in turn give themselves to us. Even if the words are not spoken in this exact way, I feel like we're told to keep our hearts in a box and wait until someone really determined comes in with a magic key to open the box and then, only then, they deserve our love. Maybe hand out teeny pieces to people, but never give the whole package--never love with everything we have because then we would run out of love and our hearts would crumble, right?
So why did He lavish His love on us? Why did He give it in excess? Why would He not just give us enough to get by? He loves us extravagantly because He wants us to love others with the love we've received and continue to receive from Him... He wants us to love each other DEEPLY, excessively, extravagantly because that is how He loves and He wants us to learn to love in the same way. In a way that doesn't make sense... doesn't correspond with how much the person presumably deserves... is costly!
We have all sung the song 'Hosanna' and probably really asked God to do what the lyrics say:
"break my heart for what breaks Yours"
I am just now getting an idea of what that means... It is BIG! Don't ask for it unless you truly want to learn to live a life of extravagant love like He so marvelously displays for us.
Broken hearts come from what? LOVE... letting our hearts love-unguarded, reckless, bold hearts aimed at loving, LIVING a life of love, with every fiber of our being. We ask for broken hearts, but do we really want that? Who, in their right mind, ASKS for that? . . . . . maybe someone who believes wholeheartedly that He continues to pour out His extravagant love on us so that we can share it with others and we don't run out.
Love is risky. It is taxing and it is big and it is bold and it is IMPOSSIBLE without daily receiving His great love for us. If we really want to love like He loves, we cannot expect to be protected from the heartbreak, the pain of sharing His heart for the people on this earth. He absolutely will break our hearts for what breaks His hearts if we are surrendered to Him to daily imitate the kind of love He gives.
It is painful--I can attest to that. Over the past couple of years, He has given me His heart for people, children who are experiencing the poverty of feeling unloved. The orphans who are going to bed tonight with no one to tuck them in and whisper love into their ears. The little girls who are being raped over and over and over again because her parents thought that a handful of rupees was worth more than the precious child of God whose name is inscribed on the palm of His hand! The kids who are alone on the streets, sniffing glue not because it's cool to get high but because it stifles the hunger they're experiencing and helps them to forget about how miserable they are. Those same kids who do not have family scouring the streets, putting up signs (like we do when even our dogs go missing), appearing on any news station who will listen, offering hefty rewards longing to be reunited with the child God knit in their womb. Broken hearts for the people of His kingdom are not necessarily enjoyable, but they're raw. They're real... to feel so in tune with God that your heart can literally feel the pain Jesus felt that led Him to love the orphans and widows and sick and hungry and overlooked as extravagantly as He did. To get a taste of why He came to this earth and gave us an example of LIVING a life of love... I truly believe He longs for us to hand our hearts to people, knowing that it's a dangerous move but silencing the caution that tries to stop us.
Alright. So what about "guarding our hearts"? What about all of the people who will use Proverbs 4:23 out of context to tell us that "guard your heart" means "don't get hurt!" What about the counsel of others that advises that we love ourselves first and then if we have anything left over we can give it to others. What does that say about the love offered by the Most High? It's not enough? It's possible to outdo Him in love? To run out? Do we really believe He will punish us for attempting to imitate His extravagant love? If we do.. do we really know His character? Proverbs 4:23 is referring to guarding our hearts from wickedness, not suffering.
C.S. Lewis writes: "Of all arguments against love, none makes so strong an appeal to my nature as 'Careful! This might lead you to suffering.'If I am sure of anything, I am sure that His teaching was never meant to confirm my congenital preference for safe investments and limited liabilities...
there is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness."
Guarding our hearts does not equate to avoiding heartbreak at all costs... He lets us be adventurous in love!! He gives us more than enough so we can pour it out in excess... so we can love people when it doesn't make sense... so we can be justice through His love! There is no fear in love--no fear of someone not accepting the love how we want them to, no fear of the person not returning the love, no fear of being hurt in the process.
Broken hearts for His kingdom do not leave us crumbled and crippled on the floor... they lead us to the same kind of excessive love He is famous for. The love that gets us on our face, begging for Him to use us to love whoever and however He chooses! It leads us to action--to live in the same love that He is famous for!!! To pour our hearts out because no matter the cost-even complete and utter heartbreak-we are getting a look inside the heart of a King, absolutely crazy about His people!
~Ephesians 5:1-2 (MSG)
His love is NOT cautious... not fearful, not prudent, not timid, not lacking in boldness, not unadventurous, not safe, not guarded.
His love IS extravagant...spending much more than is necessary or wise, exceedingly high, going beyond what is deserved or necessary, exceeding the bounds of reason.
Aaaah... what does that mean?? His love was costly, crazy, expensive, outrageous, nonsensical, extreme, daring, adventurous, bold! As imitators of Him--we are told to love like that!!
I think we are too cautious with how we love each other. . . I think that in our 15, 20, 35, 50, 80 years of life we have either felt personally or seen others experience heartbreak and we want to avoid that at all costs. We are taught to take care of ourselves- to be careful with who we give our hearts to and how much we give them and when to stop giving and when we need to hold onto the love for ourselves and yadda yadda yadda. That's a lot of caution. We are warned not to give too much of ourselves to people--especially without the assurance that they will in turn give themselves to us. Even if the words are not spoken in this exact way, I feel like we're told to keep our hearts in a box and wait until someone really determined comes in with a magic key to open the box and then, only then, they deserve our love. Maybe hand out teeny pieces to people, but never give the whole package--never love with everything we have because then we would run out of love and our hearts would crumble, right?
So why did He lavish His love on us? Why did He give it in excess? Why would He not just give us enough to get by? He loves us extravagantly because He wants us to love others with the love we've received and continue to receive from Him... He wants us to love each other DEEPLY, excessively, extravagantly because that is how He loves and He wants us to learn to love in the same way. In a way that doesn't make sense... doesn't correspond with how much the person presumably deserves... is costly!
We have all sung the song 'Hosanna' and probably really asked God to do what the lyrics say:
"break my heart for what breaks Yours"
I am just now getting an idea of what that means... It is BIG! Don't ask for it unless you truly want to learn to live a life of extravagant love like He so marvelously displays for us.
Broken hearts come from what? LOVE... letting our hearts love-unguarded, reckless, bold hearts aimed at loving, LIVING a life of love, with every fiber of our being. We ask for broken hearts, but do we really want that? Who, in their right mind, ASKS for that? . . . . . maybe someone who believes wholeheartedly that He continues to pour out His extravagant love on us so that we can share it with others and we don't run out.
Love is risky. It is taxing and it is big and it is bold and it is IMPOSSIBLE without daily receiving His great love for us. If we really want to love like He loves, we cannot expect to be protected from the heartbreak, the pain of sharing His heart for the people on this earth. He absolutely will break our hearts for what breaks His hearts if we are surrendered to Him to daily imitate the kind of love He gives.
It is painful--I can attest to that. Over the past couple of years, He has given me His heart for people, children who are experiencing the poverty of feeling unloved. The orphans who are going to bed tonight with no one to tuck them in and whisper love into their ears. The little girls who are being raped over and over and over again because her parents thought that a handful of rupees was worth more than the precious child of God whose name is inscribed on the palm of His hand! The kids who are alone on the streets, sniffing glue not because it's cool to get high but because it stifles the hunger they're experiencing and helps them to forget about how miserable they are. Those same kids who do not have family scouring the streets, putting up signs (like we do when even our dogs go missing), appearing on any news station who will listen, offering hefty rewards longing to be reunited with the child God knit in their womb. Broken hearts for the people of His kingdom are not necessarily enjoyable, but they're raw. They're real... to feel so in tune with God that your heart can literally feel the pain Jesus felt that led Him to love the orphans and widows and sick and hungry and overlooked as extravagantly as He did. To get a taste of why He came to this earth and gave us an example of LIVING a life of love... I truly believe He longs for us to hand our hearts to people, knowing that it's a dangerous move but silencing the caution that tries to stop us.
Alright. So what about "guarding our hearts"? What about all of the people who will use Proverbs 4:23 out of context to tell us that "guard your heart" means "don't get hurt!" What about the counsel of others that advises that we love ourselves first and then if we have anything left over we can give it to others. What does that say about the love offered by the Most High? It's not enough? It's possible to outdo Him in love? To run out? Do we really believe He will punish us for attempting to imitate His extravagant love? If we do.. do we really know His character? Proverbs 4:23 is referring to guarding our hearts from wickedness, not suffering.
C.S. Lewis writes: "Of all arguments against love, none makes so strong an appeal to my nature as 'Careful! This might lead you to suffering.'If I am sure of anything, I am sure that His teaching was never meant to confirm my congenital preference for safe investments and limited liabilities...
there is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness."
Guarding our hearts does not equate to avoiding heartbreak at all costs... He lets us be adventurous in love!! He gives us more than enough so we can pour it out in excess... so we can love people when it doesn't make sense... so we can be justice through His love! There is no fear in love--no fear of someone not accepting the love how we want them to, no fear of the person not returning the love, no fear of being hurt in the process.
Broken hearts for His kingdom do not leave us crumbled and crippled on the floor... they lead us to the same kind of excessive love He is famous for. The love that gets us on our face, begging for Him to use us to love whoever and however He chooses! It leads us to action--to live in the same love that He is famous for!!! To pour our hearts out because no matter the cost-even complete and utter heartbreak-we are getting a look inside the heart of a King, absolutely crazy about His people!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
just enough for today, please...
give us today our daily bread
like, manna in the dessert -
only enough for today.
Help me fight the urge to save up
instead of trusting you again tomorrow.
God, it’s a hard way for us to live
And we need the reminder that you want to be our provider.
Amen.
((got this prayer off of the Word Made Flesh website))
like, manna in the dessert -
only enough for today.
Help me fight the urge to save up
instead of trusting you again tomorrow.
God, it’s a hard way for us to live
And we need the reminder that you want to be our provider.
Amen.
((got this prayer off of the Word Made Flesh website))
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