Sunday, March 20, 2016

Trusting in princes

During times like these when we have a lot of difficult medical situations going on with our children, I find myself seeking out "princes" to put my trust in... A reputable doctor or a cutting edge treatment or a more equipped hospital or a limitless supply of funds to support the very best of care. I search for the princes whose outcomes are positive and predictable and I get frustrated when they seem to be far away and out of reach. 

I get scared when I google the type of recovery a seriously brain injured child will require because she has a name and painted red fingernails and I love her. 

I feel anxious when I read the success (or rather, failure) rates of this specific type of brain surgery because the little boy we love will find himself on one side or the other of those percentages and I want so badly for it to the the smaller side--the successful one, because I love him.

 My heart drops when see the positive HIV test result that sucks for anyone but it somehow belongs to this teeny tiny precious one who hiccups in my arms as the two lines appear. 

I am indignant because I know that if this level of medical negligence happened in another country, there would be a court case or at least an apology to the one who suffered and will continue suffering.

Defeat floods my heart when yet another friend is told to take her baby home, there is nothing they can do, when I feel confident that somewhere, there is someone who would at least care to try. 

Sometimes the princes I seek out are within reach, but usually they are far and so I am left wallowing in despair.
I now have the psalm taped to my windshield because I need the reminder hourly... 

"Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord, my soul. I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing. Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord their God.
He is the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them - He remains faithful forever. He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets prisoners free, The Lord gives sight to the blind, The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, The Lord loves the righteous. The Lord watches over the foreigner and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but He frustrates the way of the wicked. 
The Lord reigns forever, your God, oh Zion, for all generations. Praise the Lord."Psalm 146  

God is Himself -- His mighty, sovereign self, in world-renowned hospitals with the brightest of minds and highest levels of technology and He is Himself -- His mighty, sovereign self, in the overcrowded hospitals where gloves are washed and reused and trained personnel are few and far between. God is not restrained in arenas where resources are limited and He is not boosted in places where resources are limitless either, I don't think. 

HE is the one who gives sight to the blind if He sees it to be good. HE is the one who will sustain the children in our care because He says He will and so we trust that successful outcomes or not, He is doing His work. HE deserves our hope and trust -- all of it.